I hate this, I hate this, oh god. I've been well for so long, you know what you always forget? It comes back. In some different form. You're exhausted but angry at the same time. You wanna weep and scream but you're just lying on bed and being okay and smiling and inside something is hurting, but you're used to it, right? Maybe it's been there for a while. You want to be okay and continue to be okay so you hide little signs from yourself. There are no signs.
I'm not sleeping because I have literally zero self-control and GOD i just want to shout it from the rooftops. In somebody's face. I want someone to blame me so that I could get angry and defensive. Jesus fucking christ.
Nobody understands. Usually you're all accepting and okay with that, but today, oh no. How about we hate everyone for not being you, and thus not understanding. Remember how you could tell people everything? You can't. Why are you here. Why aren't you sleeping, for christ's sake. No pity today. Only anger. But i cant even cry or shout because im too tired. i kept myself up to prolong this agony. You never help yourself. You never do the right thing. You want to get better, you don't want to. You want to stay in the gutter and laugh at everyone who doesn't understand.
Nobody tells you this.